Androgyne
by RagnarokSkurai
Summary: Christopher wakes up a girl. Naturally, there is great chaos.


**i.  
**One morning, Christopher woke up a girl. A tall, sandy-haired girl, complete with bouncing breasts and rounded hips and a complete inversion of everything that used to be between his legs.

Naturally, the only thing to do was cry.

**ii.  
**April eventually found Christopher curled up into a little ball in the corner of his bed, sullenly poking at one breast and then the other.

"If it had to happen, if I had to go Suddenly Susan, they could have at least been bigger, don't you think?"

**iii.  
**The first thing David did when he saw Christopher was call him "Christine."

It was close to the last thing he ever did.

**iv.  
**Jalil wanted to examine Christopher in the name of science. Christopher nearly killed him too.

"In the name of science. Hah! My newly perky and heart-shaped ass!"

**v.  
**April continued to burst into semi-hysterical laughter for weeks afterward. Trying to get Christopher into a bra was so surreal she started to wonder if maybe Senna hadn't tried to get them from beyond the grave. It would explain a lot.

**vi.  
**The strange part was how well Christopher took to it after the original fallout. Within a week he was drinking and dancing down at the bar with the serving maids and not long after that he took to visiting the female bathhouses.

"Because, dude, the Vestal Virgins? They only have to be untouched by _men_."

Christopher leered. Jalil rolled his eyes. David swallowed.

**vii.  
**The only problem was that Christopher seemed to get stuck in guy-mode sometimes. Like that time she forgot shirts were now required clothing, or that any kind of bra would have been a good idea when sword fighting. Also, while boy-Christopher could chug alcohol down with the best of them, girl-Christopher was a lightweight, and David really didn't appreciated having to pull her mostly-unconscious body away from the pack of Vikings whose slogan seemed to be "No Means Go."

He made April undress her and put her in bed.

**viii.****  
**"Chris? Chris, are you listening?"

"Sorry. Distracted by my cleavage again."

April sighed.

**ix.  
**"I mean, it's just not fun anymore. Boobs? They bounce too much when I run and I can't sleep on my stomach and they're not so cool to play with when you have them twenty-four/seven. And don't get me _started_ on periods. Let it suffice to say that all the woman in the world who have ever complained knew what the fuck they were complaining about. I think I was in less pain the time the Aztecs split my head open."

David has no idea when he turned into Christopher's girlfriend, but he's almost had enough.

"And I really miss my cock."

David choked.

"Seriously. Getting off takes a lot of work! I mean, back in the old world I would have vibrators. And one of those massaging showerheads, you know? Speaking from a womanly-Christopher kind of view, fish just isn't doing it for me. Power to the lesbians and everything, but I want to a _fuck_ a woman, not just go down on one. It's just not for me. Not in this body."

"Um, Christopher – "

"But the real reason I want my cock back? Because when I had it I never wanted to get fucked by a guy. Never had to! But right now, I'm really, really horny and I really, really want to get laid. And I can't! Because no way in _hell_ am I sleeping with a Viking for my first time. Nuh uh. I'd end up pregnant and tending goats before I'd regained full consciousness."

David would like to accuse Christopher of being hysterical, but it's probably true.

"I'd try to seduce Jalil if he weren't so goddamn asexual. I'd sleep with Ganymede if he were still around – in a _heartbeat_. Christ. I think I'm getting wet just thinking about it."

David wondered if he'd died and slipped into hell without realizing it.

"And you know, it occurs to me that I've never _actually_ given a blowjob. I've gotten a lot, but never given one, and now I want to. Does that make me gay? Because I'm a guy whose technically a girl. Or… maybe it's the other way around. Still. Would it be gay to give you a blowjob?"

The noise coming from David's throat probably best resembled a strangling cat.

"Of course, I could be making all of this shit up just to see how long it takes before you crack."

David blinked. Was Christopher actually leering at him?

"I mean, just maybe. Because really, how dense can a guy be?"

This must be hell.

**x.  
**"I had no idea you could be such a _bitch_."

"David, really. Tease would probably be more appropriate, and you know it's only teasing if you aren't prepared to follow through."

**xi.  
**When Christopher wakes up the next morning, he's still a girl. But he's kind of okay with that.


End file.
